UkrainianSoup

As most of you don’t know, I am a little crazy. It is just me and my personality. Changing up my style is my way of life. I wanna say on 7/11 I dyed my hair red. Yes, I am a red head now. Somehow it has just boosted my drive. I feel sassy and sexy, and like I can do anything.

Now I just got back from a 3-mile bike ride and I feel wonderful. I don’t feel hungry and I don’t feel bad. I feel GREAT!

And I finally have something that I can tell myself when I reach for that bag of potato chips or cookies. As I have wrote before, I am only 16 years old. I am going into my junior year of high school. Yesterday I went to go looking into the colleges I want to go to. Truly there is only one college at this point, Cornish College of the Arts. It is my dream to go there. I could get all my dancing done there so I could get a degree and open up my own dance studio for the community. Though, while looking at the curriculum it is grueling and basically all ballet and modern (Note: I am a trained hip-hop and contemporary dancer). And you see these dance movies like Center Stage where people put themselves through eating disorders for this. Personally I have already attempted at being bulimic for a while, and did stop eating for a while also. I just looked at that curriculum and told my sister “I am going to have to become anorexic to go here!” And then I realized, no I won’t. I want to be big, just in shape and toned.

So now I have that. Next time I grab for junk and it is unnecessary I will tell myself “Think of your future. Your dreams.”

Food Log

Exercise Log

So it is about a week into my lifestyle change. I find myself becoming so angry with my ways. I stated “Oh yeah, I am ready, I am so going to do this”, but now I feel I am cheating myself.

Exercise wise, I am healthier than a freaking vegetable. I am playing tennis once a week, golf once a week, and am beginning to get my neighbors to go on walks and bike rides with me.

My trouble is the eating, which it has always been! I feel like I am cheating myself in the sense that I have a good ol’ breakfast, then go workout, and then come home to do what? SNACK! And not carrot sticks or celery, I am eating cookies and junky food. I just feel terrible. I am not supposed to make excuses of why I am eating, but I just can find myself to pull away from all the eating.

I am unhappy with my eating ways. I mean I love to eat, and I love the junk food. I understand also that everything is okay in moderation, but jeez! I just wish I had someone there to slap my hand when I went to the fridge in the middle of the day for junk.

I want to make this change and lose weight, I just am so disappointed. And even at this point we are having spaghetti and salad with the neighbors. That is fine with me, some carbs and veggies are good so maybe I can go on a run tonight. But then my mom just asked me “What should we do for dessert?” For me it is like, desserts are alright. I enjoy a fruit dessert, and I even made that suggestion “Why don’t I make a fruit dessert!” My mom simply replied by saying “No, we are thinking Cherry Upside Down Pudding.” (If you have never had it, major calories!)

I just wish I could be better at this!

Hey, guess it is a first blog from me on BuddySlim. I am so surprised at myself. I am someone who can’t stick to a lifestyle plan to save my life, but here I am. Not even a week on here and I already notice differences in my life.

I guess it takes just something small to jump start a large change. Because I have to go on and ACTUALLY LOOK at how much I weigh, well to say the least it is a bother in my brain. At 16 years old I don’t want to have to sit home and cry because I can’t find a dress for the dance, or because a boy I like tells me I am fat. I don’t want to have to tell my grandkids that “Grandma didn’t have much fun as a teenager!”

I want to defy these boundaries. I want to show people I can lose weight, but still look dang sexy as a big girl. I don’t want to conform to the modern day image of a “perfect girl.” I want to be able to eat a fried food and not feel terrible! I want so many things, but they won’t happen until I make the change.

Within not even a week I have began to break my “snacking sessions” and “late night eating.” I have already lost 2.5 lbs and it may not be that much, but I feel damn good about it. I think if I can prove to myself that I can do this, I can prove to everyone else who I really am. They would be able to see the real Krystina behind this 50 lbs. of extra weight!

I am doing this for my health, my life, and myself. I am ready!